An Open Letter to Anxious Girlies
For the women who look like they have it all together… but feel anxious inside
The overachievers.
The checklist-makers.
The I have a backup plan for my backup planers
The ones described as independent.
The ones who, to the outside world, seem like they have it all together…
…but inside tells a different story.
Inside, the mind is doing flips.
Jumping to a million things that could go wrong, breezing right past the things that could go right.
Always scanning & preparing.
If this is you…
maybe you call it anxiety.
Or maybe you’ve decided it’s just part of your personality; something fixed, something you have to manage.
Whatever you call it, wherever you are in your journey, here are a few gentle reminders I have for you.
1. Life doesn’t need to be solved to be lived
Why anxiety feels worse when you treat life like a problem to fix
You don’t need all the answers to live a good life.
So often, we approach life situations (thoughts, feelings, sensations, experiences) as problems that need to be solved. And this makes sense as we are taught that every problem has a solution.
So we look for answers.
We try the things we see on Instagram.
We follow the advice our friends give us.
Go for a walk. Find a hobby. Distract yourself. Journal. Take a cold shower.
And sometimes… it works.
For a minute. An hour. Maybe even a day.
But when the feeling comes back, because it often does, it can leave you thinking something must be wrong with you.
These things work for them… why don’t they work for me?
But what if your troubling thoughts, feelings, and sensations aren’t problems at all?
What if, by treating them like problems, we actually create a problem with no solution, keeping ourselves stuck on the hamster wheel?
And what if the way out wasn’t fixing… but relating differently?
What if these experiences were meant to be acknowledged, noticed with curiosity, and allowed all while you continue on with your day?
How different would your relationship with them be then?
2. Rest is vital for survival
Especially for anxious, overthinking nervous systems
There really is no way around this one.
When you spend your time overthinking and overdoing, that’s exhausting work. Your body needs pauses to recover and recoup.
But rest doesn’t only mean sleep.
Rest is anything where you pause, for real, and allow yourself to just be.
Going for a walk. Being creative. Watching a show.
Context matters here.
If the purpose of the activity is to distract from how you’re feeling, it’s probably not rest.
If the purpose is to pause and recover, that’s rest.
Your nervous system needs moments where it isn’t performing or problem-solving.
3. Avoiding your feelings keeps anxiety loud
Why avoidance works short-term but fuels anxiety long-term
We avoid because it works in the outside world.
If there’s construction on your usual route to work, you take a different way.
If it’s raining, you grab a coat or an umbrella or you stay inside.
Avoidance works there.
But internally… it’s different.
Think about your own experience.
When you feel anxious or unworthy and you avoid the feeling (by diving into a show, scrolling, playing a game, blasting music) does the feeling actually go away?
Maybe at first.
You might get wrapped up enough that it softens for a bit.
But what happens when you turn off the TV or put your phone down?
For most people, the feeling comes back. Sometimes even louder than before.
So yes, avoidance can work short term.
But long term, it keeps you stuck.
What helps instead?
Moving through your feelings slowly and safely.
Noticing them.
Acknowledging them.
Allowing them.
Remember, feelings are more like sunrises than math problems.
They don’t need to be solved.
They need to be experienced.
4. Healing happens in safe relationships
Why connection matters for anxious attachment
Humans are social beings.
We’re wired for connection, it’s where we thrive and heal.
It’s often why we overthink, over-give, and people-please in the first place…
…to stay connected.
Healing happens in relationships where you feel emotionally safe.
Where you can practice boundaries.
Where you can lean in instead of brace.
Safe connection is where attachment wounds soften.
That connection might be with a partner, a friend, or a therapist.
You deserve relationships that feel like sitting by a fire: warm, steady, and grounding.
5. Your body needs joy, not just insight
Why play and pleasure are part of healing anxiety
This isn’t to say insight isn’t helpful, because it is.
But overdoing insight can be exhausting.
Your nervous system also needs play.
Creativity. Pleasure.
Moments of joy help your body feel safe again.
They allow your system to take a breath and rebalance, preparing you for stress instead of constantly bracing for it.
But also…
You deserve nice things.
You deserve to have fun.
You deserve to enjoy your life, not just analyze it.
A Final Note
If this resonated, maybe nothing needs to be fixed right now.
Maybe understanding yourself a little more gently is enough for today.
And if you’re finding that anxiety, overthinking, or self-abandonment keeps showing up in your relationships or your body, you don’t have to navigate that alone.
Therapy can be a place to slow down.
To feel safer in your own experience.
To build trust with yourself again.
Take what you need from this.
Leave the rest.
And go gently with yourself today.
