The Real Reason You Get the Post Holiday Crash (and how to avoid it).
You finally go the time off. You should feel rested, right?? But instead, you feel glued to the couch, irritable & incapable of doing anything productive. Your body is demanding payment for the performance it just gave. This is what I often call : The Unmasking Crash.
The Hidden Cost of Masking:
On your way to the gathering you are practicing the performance. Reciting your lines. Attempting to pre-analyze conversations that haven't happened yet. You’re prepared.
You show up to your family house, the one with the swingset out front and the stairs that creak. The scent of ham and turkey and grandma’s fresh cranberry sauce fills the air. You are immediately hit with warmth of the pellet stove and the thought that you forgot how warm the pellet stove is.
You can hear people bustling around, somehow you can pin point all conversations happening at once. The voices are a tapestry of noise, and while you try to focus in and pull just one thread but you just end up with a whole chaotic mess. Someone calls out to you - so you wander over and become one the conversations. Your head is already pounding.
You sit trying to listen and follow conversation and speak only when spoken to. You give your lines like your on broadway.
You perform. You act. You mask.
& of course, there’s some missteps. Aunt Karin goes off script & asks you a question you didn’t prepare for. You respond.. You recover.
It’s 9PM now.
You manage to slip out, following a cousin of yours.
When you get home, a wave of exhaustion hits you like a semi. It comes crashing over you and before you realize you are wrapped in a blanket, watching bones for the 500th time, eating Cheez it’s even though you ate way too much at dinner.
You wake up the next morning. Dazed, confused and exhausted. You think I nailed it! This is just the holiday hangover. But it’s not. It’s the psychological debt you accrue when you spend all day suppressing your own operating system.
Sensory Debt vs Energy Debt.
Sometimes we think that all we need after an evening of masking is a long sleep and our favorite breakfast. But, our nervous system being completely drained is not restored by 8 hours of rest. That’s because you haven’t just used up your social energy; you’ve accrued sensory debt. Sleep debt is solved with sleep. Sensory debt is when your brain is running a background scan trying to process the bright lights, competing conversations, the unfamiliar scents, and pressure to perform. That requires intentional time to recover properly. Better yet, you need a proactive system to manage your resources and protect your sanity. This isn't about avoiding gatherings entirely, it's about making them survivable.
You go to the party and come home tired but your body is calm.
You might put on bones and quote along but you wouldn’t be stuffing with Cheez it’s to feel safe.
Imagine now, waking the next morning able to follow your routine without the lag from the night before.
Now, this is not just an imagination, It can be your reality.
With just a few steps you can go from exhaustion and burnout to restored resilience.
Now, I’m saying it wont be some work to get the systems in place. But, once they are and you’ve used the a few times you will see just how much better your nervous feels.
Gatherings may never be your favourite things.. But, they don’t have to drain you for weeks to come.
The Solution:
This is a three part plan to help you survival (AND THRIVE) in gatherings this holiday season.
Phase 1: Pre-Gaming Your Calendar (The Lead-Up)
Protecting our nervous system from burnout starts well before we arrive at a party. Your calendar is your first boundary.
Check the cost. Take a look at your calendar and take account for other activities already planned - even if they are not “fun’ ones. That dentist appointment on Friday, yeah im not doing anything else until Sunday. Not because I’m lazy, but because I want to show up present and ready to connect.
Your boundaries may be different, that is okay. All that matters is being clear with yourself about how many gatherings you want to attend, and WHEN you can attend them.
Importantly, do not agree to any gathering the moment you are invited. Do not let the rush of anxiety make the decision for you.
Thank the person for the invitation & let them know you need to check your calendar.
“That sounds like so much fun! I will check my calendar and get back to you”
“I would love to go, I will check my calendar and let you know”
“Oh! I went to those last year, it was so much fun!! Let me see if ’m free that weekend. I will let you know by Monday”
Phase 2: Your Pocket Power-Up (The Sensory Survival Kit)
When in environments that pull on all of our sense and disrupt our routines its important to have things to keep us grounded and present in the moment. These help to soothe our nervous system and allow us to remain present.
Here is what I keep in my survival kit (and what I recommend you do aswell):
✨Snacks - I always have a nature valley crisp apple granola bar (which have become like anciets relics to find these days) in my bag. This is a safe food of mine and helps to provide me with relief in case i do not enjoy the food provided. Pick a shelf stable safe food of yours and keep it close.
✨Comfy Clothes - Wear what ever the fuck you want. No really. If it’s comfortable, wear it. People should be happy about your presence, not worried about if your sweater matches the theme.
✨Water Bottle - bring your own water bottle. Yes, the one with all the stickers on it. Water helps to reduce cortisol. Yes, this is a real thing!! Staying well hydrated is helpful when in stressful situations so your body doesn’t confuse dehydration as another stresser. Plus, taking a sip of water serves a good physical PAUSE moment when grandma say’s something unhinged.
✨Texture - Bring along something with a texture you enjoy - like a squishmallow, fidget cube, stress ball etc.
✨Headphones - whether these are loops, over ear or in ear. Pick your preference and bring them along. They can be used when sounds get overwhelming OR for a quick reset moment in the bathroom listening to some music to ground.
✨Scent: this is a BIG one for me. Bring something along with a scent you enjoy (coffee beans, essential oils roller, tiny candle etc).
✨Script -> with boundaries. You don’t have to answer every intrusive question you’re asked. Practice phrases like “ that’s a great question, but I’m going to stick to talking about [ safe topic ].
Phase 3: The Hard Reset (Aftercare)
When you get home, your work isn't over. Have a plan in place.
Keep it simple: a bath, wrapping yourself in a blanket, watching a comfort show, or wrapping some presents. It must be something you enjoy that aligns with your values (not society's idea of productive fun).
The Power of the Reset Day: As you’ve prepared well, you likely have a day available to reset. Use it to do something productive that you need to do AND something that you want to do. This powers your nervous system and reinforces a routine that truly works for you. You aren't just recovering from the holidays; you're recovering from the act of masking.
Gatherings may never be your favourite things... but they don’t have to drain you for weeks to come.
Drop the Exhaustion, Find Your Peace.
You’ve mastered the art of the performance: the script, the lines, the recovery. But the real gift this holiday season isn't perfection; it's permission.
Permission to set your own pace, permission to wear the comfortable clothes, and permission to choose regulation over exhaustion.
The post-holiday crash isn't a required fee for connecting with loved ones; it's the inevitable result of Sensory Debt. Now you know the real reason you feel drained, and you have a clear plan to prevent it.
Start small, implement one part of your system this year, and reclaim your joy. Because when you stop acting and start showing up as your regulated self, you don't just survive the holidays; you actually get to enjoy them.
